Since the last time we talked . . .

Spring 2014

We traveled to Las Vegas to meet up with Lars after March Madness. It was a super fun time, we even brought a friend along to help and play with Max and Mason. Unfortunately, we caught a bug the night we departed and spent the entire drive home with vomiting children. When we made it home, Lars got it, but somehow I escaped the bug. Unfortunately, I haven't been so lucky with allergies and sinus infections; they have been a constant nemesis this year and only seem to be getting worse each year! 

In June, Max completed kindergarten and I accepted a new teaching job back in Salem-Keizer School District. I enjoyed my time working for North Santiam School District and learned a lot about myself, my gifts, my struggles, and ultimately, my heart. 

Summer 2014

We went on a LONG family road trip through Oregon, Washington, Idaho, Montana, Nevada, and California with my parents. We enjoyed our adventures! We spent time in La Pine where we stayed at my parents cabin and I ran the Pacific Crest 1/2 marathon. We navigated through Eastern Oregon and Washington to Sandpoint, Idaho where we did some bird watching on a cruise of Lake Pend Oreille. Lars traveled over to Montana to visit some high school buddies and golf at his favorite golf course, Buffalo Hills. Then we headed south first to Reno, then Las Vegas. We got to stay at a resort right next to South Point Hotel/Casino which as very convenient. Also, we were lucky enough to have my sister join us in Las Vegas; it's always fun to spend time with my sister. While in Las Vegas, we celebrated the 4th of July with some of our good friends. Half-way through our Las Vegas stay we headed over to Anaheim, California to do Disneyland! We left town right after the 4th of July weekend so we sat in a very long traffic jam; it took nearly 8 hours to make the 3 hour drive west. But... we made it and had a blast playing in the two parks for a couple days. After Disneyland, we headed back over to Vegas to stay a few more nights (we just can't get enough). Heading home, we stopped in Reno and then made it back to our home and cat, Abby. We had to get new tires and had one minor car sickness episode, but other than that, it was smooth sailing. 

The boys had fun going to several VBS (Vacation Bible School) camps and art classes through the summer. We also explored the Oregon coast to visit Grandma and Grandpa. Lars did a lot of fishing and driving his sports car. Of course, Oregon is gorgeous in the summer so we spent most of our summer enjoying our time off and exploring local beauty. I spent many hours running many miles training for my first full marathon. 

Fall 2014

In September, I began a new teaching job, which I LOVE to the moon and back. I am grateful to have the opportunity to teach music to children. I ran my first full marathon on September 13. I ran the Oregon Marathon in Mt. Angel, Oregon in just over five hours. It was an incredible experience. Shortly after running this marathon I incurred stress fractures in the neck of my right femoral head which have given me limited mobility the past few months. I am eager to begin exercising again. 

Max has begun first grade and is doing very well. He turned 7 years old on October 8^th! It is absolutely amazing how much Max has grown over the past year. Max is excellent at reading, writing, and spelling. He has a very creative mind, using it to build his own “systems” to play with. He enjoys writing and illustrating his own books, building electronic stations, and helping mom in the kitchen. He is extremely academic and excels at being a “student” which makes his teacher parents very proud! Max has a tender heart, sensitive conscience, and concern for justice. Max loves Jesus, is eager to learn more about God, and he is an expert at memorizing verses! Max’s favorite toys are his stuffed cat “Scaredy” and any bendy straw he can get ahold of. Max ran a 3K and made it through soccer season this fall, but definitely prefers the exercise of the mind.

Mason has transitioned from his first to second year of preschool this year. He turns 5 years old on December 8^th! Mason is an amazing little boy! Mason is an expert puzzle maker, putting together up to 150 piece puzzles by himself. In fact, we couldn't help him if we wanted to because he is fiercely independent! Mason loves to dress up, play with his favorite superheroes and Disney Pixar characters, race his toy vehicles, ride his bike, color, have Max read to him, and play with his friends. Mason is extremely empathetic with constant concern for the emotional state of those in his presence. He is a great friend to all and looks up to his big brother. Mason loves to roughhouse, wrestle, and throw balls with anyone who will play with him. Mason loves Disneyland, but the town park is just as fun in his opinion! 

Lars turned 41 in March! As it turns out, he is much like a fine wine or whiskey, only getting better with age. He enjoys driving his Nissan 350Z, traveling to Las Vegas, and being super dad!  He began his 17^th year teaching which is his 7^th year at Sublimity School this fall. Lars is also coaching middle school basketball which takes up much of his free time through the winter. Along with being an excellent husband, father, teacher, and coach, he is my best friend! He is my constant comic relief and reminds me to maintain perspective on what really matters in life. Lars is loyal, steadfast, and lovingly puts his family first each day. There are not many men as amazing as MY man, so I don’t mind taking a moment to brag on him. I am incredibly grateful for the person he is and the love he shares. He leads our family with integrity and inspires me to be a better person. We are looking forward to celebrating on 10^th wedding anniversary on December 27^th!

Life

Life is so incredibly precious. Every human soul longs for life. We are zombies searching for life. We are lost. We crave direction. We want answers. The truth seems elusive and unattainable. So we consume, indulge, curse, hate, break, fake, and distract. Why can't we be shown the way to life? But wait . . there is Light, there is Truth, and there is Life. In Him there is no darkness at all. He  forged our way to life; life the way it was meant to be before sin broke in and stole us from our maker. I hate darkness. I hate death. I hate evil. I hate lies. I want light! I want life! I choose life! We are made to live and be fully alive! May we treasure every life and every day we have breath to live. 

Music, music, MUSIC!

OMEA conference! I am happy to report I have spent the past few days at the OMEA conference in Eugene, Oregon. This conference is bittersweet! Though I find myself confronted with all that I hold dear, I find myself confronted with all I hate! A heap of conflicting emotions . . . EVERY year! I love that I am a music educator, but I love that I am an EDUCATOR even more. I am challenged to move to next level as a teacher. I fight my gifts; I wish I had other gifts. I am NO musician, but I am an educator who believes in the inherent value of music and what it offers to children. As a leader, a communicator, a connector of people, I am reminded of how much I love my community . . . my tribe. The passion overwhelms me; I want to run, but I must embrace it. I must move forward. I must connect my people to the music. I must keep fighting the good fight. I must be crazy enough to believe I can make a difference. I must keep invested in my community. I must resist cynicism and passivity. I must confront my demons and fear. I am grateful to have the opportunity. Just an ordinary, average girl . . . not too good, not too bad. I guess that makes me "just right" for the job.

Flee

Indulgence leads to more indulgence. When lusts are fed, they want more; they are like vacuums. There is no end to the blackhole of lusts indulged. The deeper and longer ... the stronger. Only decay remains in the wake of the destruction. Watch out, lest you be destroyed! Open your eyes. Turn. Face the light. Flee from the darkness! 

Pearls

Do not give what is holy to dogs, and do not throw your pearls before swine, or they will trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you to pieces. Matthew 7:6

What is causing the quarrels and fights among you? Don't they come from the evil desires at war within you? You want what you don't have, so you scheme and  kill to get it. You are jealous of what others have, but you can't get it, so you fight and wage war to take it away from them. Yet you don't have what you want because you don't ask God for it. James 4:1-2

Keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for. Keep on seeking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened to you. Matthew 7:7

Warm. Deep. Bright.

I am not a writer. I am a talker. I'm not a blogger; I think that makes me a "vlogger". Does that exist? I love to have an outline of bullet points and then improvise! I love teaching for this reason. Give me a concept, objective, or learning target and let me ride the wave! Give me an idea, a vision, a point of interest; I'm in heaven. Being scripted always stresses me out. I've decided this blog will be hard because I have a lot to say, but I want to SAY it, not write it.

I'm reading Philip Yancey's, "Where is God When It Hurts?" http://www.amazon.com/Where-Is-God-When-Hurts/dp/0310214378. As I read last night about Sandy Hook, I wept. I just can't envision myself in the midst of grief. I have a deep desire to understand, but then a deep fear of understanding. I know I can't manufacture grief to develop empathy, so what can I do? How can I develop empathy? I don't want to experience grief, but I know it will come at some point me my life. I am scared of experiencing grief. I fear those I love experiencing grief. I fear not being able to love someone in grief appropriately. As I read about tragedy after tragedy in this book, I feel called to seek God and beg for Him to deepen my faith. Only through anchoring myself in Him by faith will I withstand the storm when (not if) it comes.

The theme of the sermon this morning was: warmer, deeper, brighter. I know this is way random, but in hearing this sermon (which was a New Year anchor) I am confident I will not direct another musical in the near future. Whether to direct or not direct another musical is something I have been wrestling with over my winter vacation. I want so badly to provide positive educational opportunities for my students to experience. However "good" intentioned this is, these experiences I seek to provide are simply that . . . good. They aren't GREAT, just good. There are so many positive outcomes for students who participate in these opportunities, but I simply cannot sacrifice what I would need to sacrifice to make it happen. I cannot sacrifice being whole. I cannot sacrifice my sanity. I cannot sacrifice my state of mind and being mentally absent from my family. AND, I do not feel called to do so. I wish I had the mental stamina and compartmentalization needed to make it happen, but I don't. I have been grounded by my desire to be whole and bring wholeness to my community. I could direct musicals, giving students "experiences" they will not forget, all the while being so distracted with "the work" I don't connect with the people involved (let alone my family). I can "experience" a hundred and one acquaintances with relationships an inch deep, or provide fewer "experiences" for others and nurture warm, deep, and bright relationships with a few. For now, the answer is clear. No. No. No.

Investing in the community. Changing the world. My mind whirls with excitement, inspiration, passion, ideas. BUT, investing in the community . . . changing the world . . .  It starts in my home with my most intimate relationships . . . my husband, my children. Then it extends to other important relationships . . . my parents, my sister, my grandfather, my cousins, my close friends. I want to be a whole person so I can love my circle of peeps . . . family and friends. I want to provide, cultivate, and nurture space for connection between the humans in my life, but I must fiercely protect that space in my heart, mind, and soul because that's where it starts. I want the love of Jesus and the Gospel to shine brightly in my sphere of influence. There is nothing I can do but trust in my Lord Jesus. God, hear my prayer!

Moving on . . .

Went to Portland today to get an estimate on overhauling my flute. Definitely not a cheap situation. I am in sticker shock, but feeling excited to be move forward with the process of getting the old girl sold. Watching her be "estimated" and listening to her warm sound as she was sized up, took me back a decade or so. It amazes me how many dysfunctional relationships I have participated in through my life; even my dear old flute was subjected to the incessant codependency!  I'm happy she will be enjoying the freedom and company of a new relationship. She deserves to be given love, not stowed away in the back of an underwear drawer. Bittersweet.

Speaking of codependency . . . I am on my 2nd read through a life changing book, "Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life." http://www.amazon.com/Boundaries-When-Take-Control-Your/dp/0310247454 I read it earlier this year and it completely turned my thinking right-side-up. In reading it again, I'm finding it is even more profound! I can't recommend this book enough!

Started watching Downton Abbey. I can see why it is popular; we are already hooked into the story after two episodes of the first season. I love period pieces, though it will be hard to top Breaking Bad.