Warm. Deep. Bright.

I am not a writer. I am a talker. I'm not a blogger; I think that makes me a "vlogger". Does that exist? I love to have an outline of bullet points and then improvise! I love teaching for this reason. Give me a concept, objective, or learning target and let me ride the wave! Give me an idea, a vision, a point of interest; I'm in heaven. Being scripted always stresses me out. I've decided this blog will be hard because I have a lot to say, but I want to SAY it, not write it.

I'm reading Philip Yancey's, "Where is God When It Hurts?" http://www.amazon.com/Where-Is-God-When-Hurts/dp/0310214378. As I read last night about Sandy Hook, I wept. I just can't envision myself in the midst of grief. I have a deep desire to understand, but then a deep fear of understanding. I know I can't manufacture grief to develop empathy, so what can I do? How can I develop empathy? I don't want to experience grief, but I know it will come at some point me my life. I am scared of experiencing grief. I fear those I love experiencing grief. I fear not being able to love someone in grief appropriately. As I read about tragedy after tragedy in this book, I feel called to seek God and beg for Him to deepen my faith. Only through anchoring myself in Him by faith will I withstand the storm when (not if) it comes.

The theme of the sermon this morning was: warmer, deeper, brighter. I know this is way random, but in hearing this sermon (which was a New Year anchor) I am confident I will not direct another musical in the near future. Whether to direct or not direct another musical is something I have been wrestling with over my winter vacation. I want so badly to provide positive educational opportunities for my students to experience. However "good" intentioned this is, these experiences I seek to provide are simply that . . . good. They aren't GREAT, just good. There are so many positive outcomes for students who participate in these opportunities, but I simply cannot sacrifice what I would need to sacrifice to make it happen. I cannot sacrifice being whole. I cannot sacrifice my sanity. I cannot sacrifice my state of mind and being mentally absent from my family. AND, I do not feel called to do so. I wish I had the mental stamina and compartmentalization needed to make it happen, but I don't. I have been grounded by my desire to be whole and bring wholeness to my community. I could direct musicals, giving students "experiences" they will not forget, all the while being so distracted with "the work" I don't connect with the people involved (let alone my family). I can "experience" a hundred and one acquaintances with relationships an inch deep, or provide fewer "experiences" for others and nurture warm, deep, and bright relationships with a few. For now, the answer is clear. No. No. No.

Investing in the community. Changing the world. My mind whirls with excitement, inspiration, passion, ideas. BUT, investing in the community . . . changing the world . . .  It starts in my home with my most intimate relationships . . . my husband, my children. Then it extends to other important relationships . . . my parents, my sister, my grandfather, my cousins, my close friends. I want to be a whole person so I can love my circle of peeps . . . family and friends. I want to provide, cultivate, and nurture space for connection between the humans in my life, but I must fiercely protect that space in my heart, mind, and soul because that's where it starts. I want the love of Jesus and the Gospel to shine brightly in my sphere of influence. There is nothing I can do but trust in my Lord Jesus. God, hear my prayer!

Moving on . . .

Went to Portland today to get an estimate on overhauling my flute. Definitely not a cheap situation. I am in sticker shock, but feeling excited to be move forward with the process of getting the old girl sold. Watching her be "estimated" and listening to her warm sound as she was sized up, took me back a decade or so. It amazes me how many dysfunctional relationships I have participated in through my life; even my dear old flute was subjected to the incessant codependency!  I'm happy she will be enjoying the freedom and company of a new relationship. She deserves to be given love, not stowed away in the back of an underwear drawer. Bittersweet.

Speaking of codependency . . . I am on my 2nd read through a life changing book, "Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life." http://www.amazon.com/Boundaries-When-Take-Control-Your/dp/0310247454 I read it earlier this year and it completely turned my thinking right-side-up. In reading it again, I'm finding it is even more profound! I can't recommend this book enough!

Started watching Downton Abbey. I can see why it is popular; we are already hooked into the story after two episodes of the first season. I love period pieces, though it will be hard to top Breaking Bad.

A Resonant Storyline!

Today we watched Disney's FROZEN! I'm not sure what I was expecting, but I was pleasantly surprised! The music & storyline were resonant! Max & Mason stayed engaged throughout, even though it was a little more lengthy than the average Disney princess movie. How refreshing to have both "princess" characters be strong, independent, yet vulnerable, women finding "true love" in someone other than "Prince Charming". It was fun to have a little romantic "love" along the way, but it played a much smaller role in these characters adventures. Bravo!

I am loving our winter vacation right now! What a blessing to have rest and reprieve. Like FROZEN, my personal music & storyline is also resonant! I am refreshed, invigorated, and bursting with zeal to embark into 2014! I feel more comfortable in my skin than I have since I was 7 years old (the last time I can remember I was unapologetically. . .  me). Some resonant themes I hope will be in my storyline and on my soundtrack this year include . . . Freedom! For freedom Christ has set us free; stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery. For you were called to freedom, brothers. Only do not use your freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another. Galatians 5:1 & 13. Abide! Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in me. John 15:4. Faith! And Jesus said to him, "Go your way; your faith has made you well." And immediately he regained his sight and began following Him on the road. Mark 10:52. Love! Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.  Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 1 Corinthians 13:4-8.

New Year's Day 2014!

Max wakes up to cuddle with mom on the couch and completes his morning "quiet time" watching/listening to his YouVersion Kids' Bible App. He loves plugging in his HERSEY headphones (a Christmas gift from Auntie Kaycie & Uncle) to listen to his daily devotionals. He has also learned to plug into the computer to visit his favorite websites including: ABCMouse.com, Starfall.com, & Tumblebooks.com. He even has his own account on our computer so he can "login" to his desktop. Max is beginning to read and write in school. He absolutely loves kindergarten and learning. He is super into Awana, where he is now a Sparky. This morning, while crunching on his Cinnamon Toast Crunch, he asks, "Mom, when I grow up will I marry you?" I respond, "Do you want to marry me?" "Yes! I want to marry you and nobody else! When I marry you, I will buy you roses, but you need to be careful for the pokey things so you don't get poked." With that, he finishes his breakfast and moves onto to building his daily electronic station (including 1/2 a dozen old house phones, cell phones, & handmade circuit board). I love this boy!

Our Masey Boy is ALL boy! He is our daredevil and our resident superhero! He is currently all about MARVEL comic superheroes & Disney Pixar! He loves to dress up, wrestle (or play rough), ride his bike, drive his motorized motorcycle and quad, race cars (both his own & with his dad), play ball (any ball game), swim, and watch cartoons! He isn't a wonderful eater, but does enjoy some exotic foods, like hummus. Mason likes people and having friends. Mason goes to preschool, speech class, and Cubbies; he is learning lots and enjoys the "social" aspect of school the most. He is friendly to all and like his brother, is FULL of personality. Both boys also love to laugh and make others laugh. Their sense of humor definitely comes from Lars! Mason is a ball of joy and love; he is a blessing to all who know him!

I'm looking forward to a great year! Happy 2014!

Valentine's Day

Valentine's Day included a sick little Maxwell so a trip to the doctor's office to find out his immune system was working double time on the cold he has causing him to get a vesicular rash. We baked cookies & a Valentine's Day cake for Daddy (A Tropical Strawberry Pudding Cake). For dinner we made heart shaped turkey meatballs with marinara sauce, angel hair pasta, & garlic ciabatta bread. Mason loved the meatballs! Mason now says, "cat", "kiki" (for car), mama, & dada. He has designated special sounds for other words, but we haven't been able to decipher them yet. Mason is officially walking everywhere! He is beginning to become a bit deviant & likes to test Mommy & Daddy. He is also becoming tougher so he and Max wrestle around often. He loves to visit Max while Max is in time-out. Max's behavior is improving; he is the most successful when he is the center of attention and gets a tremendous amount of positive reinforcement. My favorite Max-isms this week, "Yummm... needs salt!" (what he says when he really likes something he's eating), "I like this white cone ice cream.", "I need to play with my itch-a-skitch." , "Can I have some lick-o-liss?" , & "Mom, you look so cute!"

January 17-23

Max can now draw circles & mice. He says "lick-o-liss" for licorice. His funny quote of the week was, "Daddy are we watching Star Trek again?!" Mom got a karaoke machine for her birthday & Max absolutely loves it!

Mason says, "tat" for cat, dog, Tinka, "nigh-nigh" for "I'm tired and I want to go to bed." He can walk across the great room now, but won't do it if he's in a hurry.

Both boys puked at the dinner table on Mom's birthday. Joyce & Jim came to celebrate. We played pinochle.

January 2-8, 2011

Mason took his first steps for Haley on Monday, January 3, 2011, then again for JuliAnn on Wednesday, January 5, 2011, & finally for us on Friday, January 7, 2011.

Mason drinks cow's milk now & loves his bottles. He is not a fan of chunky food yet, but enjoys crackers, canned green beans, carrots, & peaches. He still eats quite a bit of jarred baby food. He says mama (his first word), dada, baba, nana, papa, ah (for Abby), & hi. He signs for more, bottle, & bye-bye. He gives high-fives often. He likes to head-butt as a sign of affection. He sucks his right thumb (just like big bro).

Max told me this week, "Stop hating on the driver. Mommy you're dissing him. You need a time-out Mommy." Though my grumblings were rated G, apparently he could decipher my tone was annoyed & irritated while waiting for a slow truck. Max enjoys playing with his Mickey clock, laptop, listening to music, and watching leapfrog DVDs. Max is slowly progressing to being fully potty trained. He pees in the toilet all the time & rarely has an accident. He refuses to poop in the toilet so his doctor suggested we let him poop in his pull-up in the bathroom & this is working well. He enjoys having his "privacy" as he takes care of business in the bathroom.

We converted the bonus room into the boys' playroom over winter break. It is nice having the mess contained to one isolated area & gives us much more space to run & play in the great room. The boys really enjoying having their own room.

Lars started going to Men's Fraternity at Foothills on Tuesday mornings & he is loving it! I will start up Prosper on Tuesday mornings next week. It makes Tuesday nights a lot of fun to talk about all we learned.

We are going on our first date night of the year tonight. We are excited to start this twice per month tradition together!